Monday, December 10, 2012

Monday Monday...LA LA LA

So this weekend had its highs and its lows. I ate pretty well overall this weekend until I got home last night after the car debacle and had the need to eat. Not the I'm hungry need protein, but the I need to eat because I need comfort. It didn't matter that my husband was write there or that I was curled up next to him my whole body wanted to eat and I did have to eat my nightly snack so I munched on carrots and ranch. Nope - that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted all the bad stuff I can't have and there sat a cake - not a sf cake that I can eat not a cake that is low carb with whole wheat and not a cake that I needed but I revereted back to old behaviour where I opened it up and took a fork to it. I sat on the couch and took one bite then two and husband saved me. He stood in front of me and kindly took the cake from me. He told me he loved me and that I didn't really want to eat that. He didn't want me to make myself sick. That it wasn't worth it. I knew what he was saying...I knew he was right. The "eating" part of my brain was not in tune with me, my pouch, or my logic - but it was with my emotions. So he took my cake....I realized bad behaviour. I was ok.

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I'm not going to walk away but I am going to point this out and note it. I had a trigger and the "eating" part of my brain went to work, but I am so happy I have a support group especially my husband to make sure that I stop...I think...I recognize. I would of made myself sick in more than one way, so here I am admitting - yes at 23 months out I still have head hunger. I still am triggered to emotionally eat. I am not ashamed of it, this is a reality of life as a post op and all the changes we all go through.
Onto happier news some great things happened this weekend:
1. had an awesome bridal shower for an amazing friend Diana! it was fun, it was quirky, it was laid back and I loved having out with the girls.
2. made more than one new friend and I can't wait to see them again. it was so nice to be with people - I realize that I can't hibernate anymore...time to work it out.
3. our holiday party was a success despite the "car issue" and was fun to see each other and play dirty santa and get some fun gifts!
4. today I got amazing news about the TX chapter of WLSFA and I can't wait to share it - I'm getting ready to share some BIG BIG news......
5. despite the holiday scrooge wanting to peak its head in - I decided not to let it - put my book in to give for a toys for tot drive (because all children should have books and being read to) and gave my hubby an earlier christmas present to last night to bring a smile to his face!
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