There is a ton of stressers in my life right now. Between work (which would equal the beginning of 2 months of straight training), school (which equals the beginning of a new class), and life (which is more personal stuff rather than specifics) my world is filled with stressors. The old me wants to eat. I want to sit on the couch and gorge myself with food. I want to lose my problems in a gallon of ice cream or stuff my face with pizza and french fries. I want to be able to wallow in those old feelings where for a short time food made it all better. Food didn't judge me or hate me or let me down. Food just is and was....but I can't do that. I can't sit down and wallow in food and even if I could I would make myself so sick that I would regret it. I don't live to regret anymore...I live.
Stress is horrible. I hate stress and I hate what stress does to me. I hate that stress is the opening to the flood gates of my anxiety and I hate that being stressed makes me hungry!!!! I want to be one of those people that can't eat when I'm stressed, but nevertheless I am not. I am blessed with the "food makes it all better" gene and now my teenie tiny tummy can't make me feel better. I can only make me feel better. I wish I could run and hide from the stress and the anxiety is building, but there is stuff to be done. Today I will lose myself in new students and advise with a smile on my face (because I'm so lucky to love what I do) and tonight I will finish up my discussion for school and work on my paper due this week (why, because I love learning about education), but somewhere in there I will take a break and breathe and pray that there are answers coming and knowing that I'm not seeing them...it is just stress and though its here to stay in this economy and I hate it - it is merely part of the life and not my whole life.
I'm going to look forward to the future and plan plan plan for a better day. I'm going to relish in what I do have which are the basics and the time to spend with my husband that I love. I'm going to cherish the memories I can make without spending money, and I'm going to enjoy the person that I want to become....I'm going to be ok....I'm just stressed (TODAY!)