This weekend was one of plenty of ups and downs. I cried, I laughed a little, I slept, I passed out, I had anxiety I could not control, I allowed myself to listen to my body which ended up in little getting done except sleep.
Now what do I do when I need control - I take back my hair color. It was fading bad so easy fix for me to get me feeling happier a bottle of dye and here we go! It is darker and back to the plum brown color that I love so much! I was walking into work today and the sun hit my hair and I smiled - Yes for purple tinted hair!
Other than that - I hate alot of carbs. Yep my tummy wanted cream of wheat and some bread. No it isn't good for my diet. It isn't good for me but it did not result in low blood sugars of any kind. Overall I just felt blah and really needed to be medicated to get through the stuff that has been going on in our lives.
My smile is forced even today. I want to crawl into a dark hole and not come out. I'm not in the mood for drama. I'm not in the mood for non communication. I'm not in the mood for not getting things done...I kinda want a do over and that is what I'm giving myself and will be prepping for in the next few months. I always hate moving in the summers but so is the life of student life - so this summer Justin and I are going back to where we were the happiest - in a small apt that didn't make us stress over bills in an area we like. We are making it home and if that means we clean out half of what we own that is what we need.
I've started looking at small apartments near TCU and by my old stomping grounds. With him being ill and us not knowing what will happen in the near future or even 3 months from now I'm setting us up for success and this time its about us. Small apt with room for our furniture means we have to go look at items. We want a washer and dryer - but at the same time we both want sanity that allows us to have financial freedom. We are getting rid of all that we need and don't want to have more than we have room for - which will be the toughest, but getting back to the basics is something we both need, want, and desire especially if we agree it was the time in our marriage we were the happiest.
We are going to go into treatment for his social phobia and fight together. We don't know what that means or what that looks like right now. I don't know what that means for me as a wife, caretaker, bread winner, but I do know that it can't be impossible just have to figure it all out. I need a plan once I have a plan then I can work it.
My health is taken another new turn the endocronologist is clueless - yep anamoly I am to him too so I'm going in for a mixed meal test to see how my pancreas works. We got to get to the bottom of this and right now we both are shocked that the removal of the nuva ring has fixed it....so more testing is in order. I'm hopeful and feel better and as the 5K gets closer I'm hitting the gym with hubs in tow - he gets to lay on the water bed massage for his psoriatic arthritis, I on the other hand will be running, or doing machines. Fun night ahead.