Our family is currently dealing with some health issues. You've seen the record of my up and downs lately, but our family as a whole (me and my husband) are dealing with health issues that impact both of us, but for once in my life is not mine. This places me on the other side of the fence of caretaking.
I've never thought it would be so hard to look at someone you love and know they are hurting and not be able to fix them. Sure, I can help fix him through making appointments, caring for him, understanding the illness, and pulling myself together to make sure that I can do all I can, but that hurt, the look of pain, the knowledge that someone that you love more than anything in the world is hurting - well it takes a toll.
This week I've had high highs and low lows. I feel like I've ridden a rollercoaster, but as I sit here to reflect on what I've contributed and what he has made it through I am told we are strong. I've been told that I'm strong when I feel as if I'm the weakest woman out there. There was a moment Wed afternoon where I thought I wasn't strong enough to be there for both of us. Then I sat down and made a plan. I made calls. I decided my destiny and I put my husband and faith in the hands of the amazing doctor team that we have here in Fort Worth. I am blessed beyond belief to have AOII sisters and great friends here to love on me and to give me strength to help me make it through a tough day...a night...a week. We are here at the end of the week: my hand in his.
I've wanted to eat this week - eat all kinds of things that I'm not supposed to eat. I broke down and ate a chocolate bar and boy did that make me sick. Did it make me feel better? Nope. It made me feel worse...physically. So I surrounded myself with yummy drinks to intake my liquid, snacked on apples and cheese, and worked the plan. I only ran twice this week - but I got moving. There is hope. I am going to make every day count!
Taking care of me emotionally and physically has not been the biggest priority and as I run on fumes I realize that tonight - I need a chill out - I'm not going anywhere, doing anything kind of night. I need to be in my jammies in my bed watching bad friday night tv and realizing that I can breathe.
Mental Health Stigma is alive and well and as a person who lives and deals with mental illness it is my personal responsibility to assist others in awareness. Mental illness isn't a bad thing - it is another illness like asthma or acne, just with its own set of issues. If you encounter someone with mental illness learn before you turn away - you could be missing out on a really great person.