Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Finding Balance #4: Being a Super Wife

I have a "super woman" complex where I think I can do everything and be everything to everyone. I learned a very long time ago that I cannot do this, but yet this complex does still exist inside me. It is hard to be a working woman that is fairly independent and yet want to be a loving wife that is there to support her husband, do things for him, and be that "traditional housewife" to take care of the home etc. For some reason the 50's mindset of a 50's housewife appeals to me despite my ferver to be an independent "hear me roar" independent being! I want to pack his lunch for him, cook him dinner, and be his right hand.

There is no secret that I am "his secretary" but it isn't because it is a gender based thing, it is because I am inherently better in being organized, completing paperwork tasks, and handling all things like that which include insurance, health and car, and bills etc. I'm just that type of person. So he not only gained a wife, but a secretary to boot. It is kind of our joke and it has saved us many a time when I'm that organized, so for me it is a natrual division.

In the first year of our marriage I attempted to be super wife. I failed miserably. I can't do it all! I may want to do it all but I can't. The second year of our marriage I still attempted to be super wife and again I learned the hard way again I can't do it, but I can be super me! So this being the start of our 3rd year of marraige I am not trying to be super wife, just super me. This entails in using my gifts wisely: organizing the paperwork of life = yes! organizing shopping and lists = yes! packing his lunch = yes! paying bills and setting up auto pay = yes! changing addresses = yes! updating our bills and spreadsheets = yes! I also am pretty good at organizing my house and planning events, gatherings, and such. This doesn't make me super wife it makes me working smarter not harder. I allow him to work on the electronics, set up the cable, fix my printer, reach things high on the shelfs, and he does a mean load of laundry! It isn't that I don't want to do the things that he does, it is that I can share the load now. I realize it takes two of us to make our marriage balanced.

Now you might say well look at your list and look at his - yes when you count things it might not seemed balanced, but what you don't see is the stuff that he does for me. His love language is not done via words, but actions. He will do laundry when he is off or knows that I don't have time to get it done. He has spent hours helping me with student life projects like creating labels, file folders, putting up bulletin boards and dealing with keys! He is also willing to come to events with me and help me take down a program too. He is great at reminding me to take my meds and to take care of myself - he is the first to put me to bed when I'm not feeling well and he is the first to tell me to say NO or Stop to something!

One of the things that we haven't done is to take time for us. We were really good at date nights, but somehow they fell away. We need to take time for us so that we can be best friends and good spouses. We need to have distractions like phones put away and concentrate on each other. Either of us are very good at this and it is usually the first thing to be cancelled, but being super wife isn't about canceling this kind of stuff. Being a super wife is working together to find a balance of me time, him time, and us time to make our relationship strong. It should be a time for communication and not just the day to day stuff. It should be a time to dream, to want, to love, to be a better unit. We should be working toward a better us not just me working to be a better super wife!

So how do I fix this? Ah hah = easy fix. I will schedule the days and just like an appt we are going to keep them even if they are just a night here and there, they will be on the calendar for us....:-)

1 comment:

  1. I have the super wife complex too!' but when I get tired of doin it all, I go back to him and say why don't you do this or that?? Uh probably because I already do it. It was hard for me to learn to share and I'm sill working on it!! We also need to remember date night, especially with baby!!