A friend mentioned to me today as we were chatting that taking care of me should be a priority. Yes, I’ve been able to focus on taking care of me physically, but there are other areas that have not been attended to in the way that they need to be. As we were talking and I was sharing my list of things I was working through I thought about my spiritual health. One of the areas I want to work on I wrote about going back to church. I wanted “to find a church, get to know a church, and to be spiritually healthy and fulfilled like I have been physically healthy.”
I had written about my struggle with spirituality earlier in my blog here. I mentioned that though it is not a direct WLS goal or has anything to do with my WLS it does have to do with my life. As I’ve gone through the journey to be healthier, becoming spiritually zen has come up more than once (okay it has been digging at me for a very long time) to deal with. Let me share some back ground with you to show where this really started bugging on me. In 2009, I was in an outpatient program for extreme anxiety and depression. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Through the program they had a chaplain come and lead a session once a week and she talked about when you are healing yourself you have to heal your whole self not just part of it. In 2009 I was processing a lot of anger and I mean A LOT! I was very angry with God, people of God, and things I thought God had done, but the chaplain spoke to me and I kept it in the back of my mind.
Over the last three years I have felt a pull to go to church. I wanted to “fix” this feeling I had with God and I had been healing and knew I had to deal with this aspect of my life, but I was too chicken. I could never make it into a church alone…so I just didn’t go, but time after time I wanted to go back to church. I wanted to be a part of worship. I wanted community. I wanted….more. It wasn’t until I moved back to Fort Worth that I had the courage to go and try a church after months of research. It has been quite an extraordinary experience. I found Hope Church online and read a ton about it. I tried out a service and felt good. I went to craft day and felt welcomed. I’ve started to meet new people. I even went to my small group last night and met some fabulous women. Yay = possible friends
Over all though I noticed something that has been happening for years with God; I suck at hearing him, listening to him, and seeing what he is trying to tell me. I’m hardheaded. It takes him bringing me to my knees, breathing hard, gasping for air, tears, and hopelessness to realize – DUH maybe I should have seen all the stuff he was trying to put out there in front of me…um days, weeks, months, years ago! I would save myself tons of anguish. Last night at small group this was a message I truly received after going through something Paul wrote. I need to run the race and trash all that is not of this world and really look towards HIS path. Well thank you for the “I’m pointing at you Lissa please listen to me” post that was brought to me. I needed it.
I know that it is going to take me a long while to find my place in his kingdom, use my strengths to his advantage, and be more involved in him that in the world, temporary pains, and rely on him to relieve my stress, but I know that he has done it before. He can move mountains….he can fix my daily #firstworldpains right?!?!?!? So I’m making a conscious, intentional choice to go back to small group next week, to head to the church bbq this weekend (and my super cute hubby might come too), and possibly volunteer with my gifts to help out. I’m looking forward to this new adult chapter of learning, embracing, and listening (or at least trying!)
On a WLS Note:
1. I totally feel skinnier today! I was looking in the mirror and notice that my stomach and hips are shaping differently. Makes me feel good
2. I’m learning to make healthy choices eating out and taking my food daily is keeping me on track
3. I’m feeling good and the hypoglycemia is staying at bay
4. I’m allowing myself grace for messing up one day this week. New day…new rules…clean slate!