Monday, June 25, 2012

Exhausted yet Invigorated

June is always a marathon for me in student affairs and this past month has been no different. I'm plum out exhausted like mentally mush, physically blah, and just tired. I've started to have little patience and I know at this point I need a vacation! Countdown is now at 3 days....and I hope they fly by :-) I'm not going anywhere tropical, we are having a staycation, but I will be with my 3 favorite boys in the whole world and we will get to hang out with friends for the 4th of July.

Mentally I'm mush. Orientation and doing the same thing over and over has me tapped out. Honestly my mental capacity is being pushed and I'm drained. This is not helping the school front, but I'm doing well in my class and for that I'm excited even though I'm just tugging along getting done to the best of my ability that I can. When I'm mentally exhausted it often rolls over to impact my anxiety and my anxiety has been on a roller coaster of ups and downs. When I crash I crash hard and it isn't so much fun, but what can I do! I keep going.

I really don't like my anxiety to be messed with at all and both my husband and I are very protective of my anxiety because it is delicate though I'm not so much. With the sugar dropping and chasing the perfect ratio of food my anxiety was already on non stable ground then add on mental exhaustion and anxiety is automatic is no fun. I usually don't push through too much and just rest, but during this time of year I don't have the luxury of doing that. So I push with my husband by my side. Last night he was so sweet to drive me back and forth to orientation for work and let me nap to feel better. He is very good about helping out when I'm anxious and just calms me down so much. He is super good at this!

I'm ready for some time off. This is the first time in my career I will get to take an actual vacation where I'm not carrying a pager, don't have to be at work/school, and can plan to do things! I'm very pumped. On thursday, Justin is off to meet the boys in OK (halfway between our hours and theirs) to pick them up for a week! So thursday night I'll be prepping for Frog Camp and hanging out with my boys. Justin will have the boys for the first few days by himself and then I'm home. My vacation starts off with Frog Camp which is a 2 1/2 day social orientaiton for students coming to TCU. Ok, so it might be a little work, but I'm not in charge, I get told where to be and when, I get free shirts, I get to stay in a nice hotel, and free fun and entertainment!!! Woo hoo :-) The following week I'm off all week. I plan to take the boys to do some fun stuff, hang out, and we are heading to the river and downtown Fort Worth for 4th of July with friends. Thursday Justin and I will head back to OK to exchange the boys and the rest of the weekend we will spend at home and in Abilene TX with friends. I am excited to be able to nap, just be, and not be at work. July is much slower than June so school will be more managable and I'm hoping more relaxing.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to hang out with some wonderful ladies at church. I went to the women's craft day at church on Saturday and learned to make some new crafts, worked on some of my own, chatted and connected alot. I'm excited to say I might have found a place I really fit and I'm off to small group on Wed night to meet some other young women. I'm looking forward to it. I really enjoy church on sunday and it is giving me something to look forward to. I think I'm ready to branch out and really make friends on my own. I'm tired of just sitting at home. So to join things...I go!

Calorie counting has been good and bad. I had a good day and a bad day. The key is to meal plan. If I put everything I pick out to eat on my loseit app and just eat that = I'm full and I stay on target. If I don't then I'm all over the place. I've been consistently eating over 1200 calories and that makes sense why more weight isn't coming off. So I am dedicated to this and to meeting my goal of eating what I need to and drinking my liquids. Most days I've dranken over 64 oz and only one day I came shy in over a week of not doing it by drinking 59 oz. Not too shabby.

Regimented lifestyle required - hang on for dear life!

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