Thursday, June 7, 2012

Emotional Eating

I knew I didn't want to eat. I felt empty. I felt alone. I felt stressed and full of emotions I didn't like. Even though I was sitting in a room full of people, I felt by myself like no one knew me or wanted to know me. I hate this feeling, but it is something I'm feeling alot lately. What did I do? I ate. I ate at first because I was phsyically hungry and it was dinner time. Then I ate because I was alone. I ate because I felt alone. I ate because my anxiety needed something but didn't know what. I continued to eat throughout the night. I didn't over eat. I didn't stop...I broke the rules. I drank when I ate I could feel my food push through my pouch. I ate some more. I drank more food and felt it move again. I ate different things though I had no want for it. I chewed and chewed and felt like that fat, satisfied girl once again. I felt complete. I felt full. I didn't feel alone. Then...I realized what I did. I ate for emotionals reasons. I ate because I felt lonely. I ate because I didn't want to deal with the anxiety. I ate because I could. I drank because I knew that I could push through my pouch. I ate things I knew I shouldn't. I felt terrible. I got upset. I got scared. I realized that I had reverted to old behaviour. It wouldn't help me. It wouldn't heal me. This would hurt me. I knew better. I knew what I had done to feel normal to be normal to be healthy yet I sabotaged it because of these emotions of being alone, feeling alone, not being ok with where I am here today...tomorrow...for awhile. I ate...until I felt sorry for me. I felt upset. I felt embarrassed. I need to stop....

1 comment:

  1. Girl, been there done that.. as I read this I just gorged myself on gorgonzola crackers from Trader Joe's.. Why?! B/c the hard boiled egg had no flavor and I was bored.. Ugh, and people say this is the easy way out?! Easy way out my rump.. I struggle more now than before.. and seriously, my pouch lets me know when it's had enough.. unfortunately after the fact :( Hand in there.. remember how far you have come and that food is not OUR answer.. Most importantly know that you are not alone!