Thursday, June 28, 2012

Calorie in Depression Maybe?

I've had a ton of issues with numbers post surgery I wrote a post about it here talking about my new Fear of Numbers. At first there was the fear of the scale numbers. I solved this by weighing sparingly. I don't own a scale and per my doc I probably won't ever. I weigh in at the gym and at the docs! This leads me to not know my weight all the time and it is kind of hilarious when you think about it because aren't we all kind of obessed about our weights...I digress. Anywho fear of numbers started with the scale and translated into numbers on clothes. I talk about the beginning of this in the post, but honestly I could go in an pick up a L or XL no problem, but picking up a size 20...18...16...14 is still scary.

I remember my first big shopping trip to Old Navy. I needed pants desperatley and I had made my way around the store a few times. This was my first time to try on 20's in a store. I must have been there at least an hour pushing an hour and half by the time I picked up a 20 to try on. I went into the dressing room I was sweating and breathing hard and so scared that I was going to put this on and IT NOT FIT. To my surprise I ended up leaving with my first 18 size pants that day...but it was quite an ordeal to get that far.

Numbers and me have not liked each other for awhile. Techinically if we go way back, Math and I don't like each other so it is a fitting relationship, but now that I'm in the calorie zone with watching I'm back to not liking numbers. So far this week I was under my calorie count and proud of myself. Last night I went over my daily by 87 calories.

I shouldn't be upset with myself because this is a learning curve. I can hear my friends tell me to give myself some time and space, remeber to give yourself GRACE! You are re-learning to eat again after WLS and now with RH.

So here are the positives for yesterday:

1. I was full throughout the day with my meals
2. I was not tempted to binge on sugar
3. I ate until I was full, but not over full
4. I reached my water intake goal
5. I didn't have a sugar drop at all! - this is huge for me because it has been days and days of sugar drop. So yes, I did have a tortilla with peanut butter and jam last night and yes that did send me over, but the combo of it made me sleep through the night and actually wake up hungry with my metabloslism ready to go for the first time in weeks!

So what did I learn?

1. I can count my calories
2. I'm embracing a new logging and trying to balance my intake of protein and complex carbs
3. Strawberries are awesomely low in calories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. I can do this

What I need to remember is simple: it is a process and I can do it. It takes dedication and for that I've got the longevity to be healthy and happy and ok with food and numbers. Calories can be friendly and wise choices feel good and I don't feel left out. Also - I have a major addiction to peanut butter. I can let numbers and calories control me and make me depressed and feel down on myself, but I would rather not live like this so in time I'm going to change this day at a time.

I did make some great energy bars last night. A little unconventional, but really filling and yummy. I even learned to make my own oatmeal flour! Check out the recipe I pinned here for Homemade Energy Bars  incredibly cheap, yummy, and sweet and crunchy. Now I must experiement to see what I can add to them etc. This also feeds my peanut butter addiction...Really I think I have a problem :-)


  1. I have the same issue with peanut butter lately. I eat it on everything. On apple slices, in oatmeal, with my carrot sticks. It's like I'm craving it. Honestly I think it's the fact I'm craving protein and peanut butter is the non meat way to get that quickly and easily. It just tastes so good!

  2. Those energy bars look delicious! FYI, I friended you on Pinterest and FB - info should have come across from Christina B.