sabotage

I admit it sweets will be the death of me and keep me off track. I’m in a mood where I want to eat everything in sight and don’t seem to care the calories, the fat, or the intake of amount. My eyes are feeding my belly and I’m not listening to it. I’m not listening to the logical part of my brain that is telling me to look at the nutritional facts, weigh the options, make good choices. I’m eating whatever I want and I feel sluggish, tired, blah, and bloated. Why? Because I did this to myself and I have no one else to blame but me.


This falling off the wagon thing is so hard. I hate the fact that I can’t eliminate foods from the world that I can’t have. I hate the fact that I like sugary goodness and carbs, but I do. I limit them because they aren’t healthy for me and they don’t help my plan of attack for long term success, yet still here I was yesterday eating chocolate, snacking and grazing, and not following the 3 meal rule. Part of me wants to be in total control, but when I don’t take the time to plan I don’t eat on the plan. Sure I half way planned the first two days of this week and you know what it got me? Eating off the plan! Yep, that was me last night watching tv. I’m not happy with myself at all and maybe you all think I’m failing….this process even frustrates me!

I know I feel better when I eat on the plan and drink my liquid. I know I feel better when I take my vitamins the way I’m supposed to do. I don’t know why I’m sabotaging myself in this way at all. I just know I’m doing it and I hate it…so what to do? Get back on the wagon…again…and not feel like a failure while I’m doing it. The surgery is a tool, but the brain overhaul has been something I’m struggling with ….all the time now. It seems I hit the year mark and now my brain wants to go back to the old way. Must keep on keeping on, but boy does it get frustrating when you do something to yourself. It isn’t true self harm, but some ways I feel like it is. I know it will hurt me in the long run, but I stick it in my mouth. I know I should buy the low fat and non fat items and limit things, but I don’t. Just because I had wls doesn’t mean I can’t watch what I put in my mouth – so here is for the good ole college try. Getting back on the wagon when I get home tonight and putting the food in order so I eat what I make and nothing more…I think sweets need to leave the house STAT!