i've been thinking about sabotage and doing it to myself. why is it that i do it in the first place? is it to be normal...to not eat on my plan. is it because i'm lazy? is it because my stomach is fixed and my brain doesn't want to be? hmm i do think that recognizing that i do it is a great tool because i am able to put myself back on track, but sabotaging myself and seeing that i get sick, hurt my pride, and feel like poo doesn't make so much sense in hindsight. sometimes i do wish they repaired my brain when they repaired my stomach.
getting back on track is always easier said than done and i don't want to do a 5 day pouch test to go back to liquids and soft foods to gain control again...simple: limit to three meals and one snack due to my sugar balance and then watch calorie intake making better choices on extras like sour cream, cream cheese, milk etc. those little things add up. here i go again.