My thoughts were running 5,000 miles a minute. It was like if I was running this weekend and past conversations through my head. I was determined that when I got up today that I wouldn't let today be ruined...today would be a new day. So while I was at work and working through Senior certifications (by the way I am very very thankful for my advisors that kept me on track) which is very monotonous ... my mind was running through things and I hit a point where I stopped in my tracks and looked up at myself in the mirror behind my desk and realized how much effort I was putting into thoughts instead of putting this energy into my life..my thoughts...my world. I was allowing myself to be controlled by others and though someone told me this past weekend I didn't realize it until it was controlling my thoughts.
It made me think about all the changes that I've made and how important it was for these changes to reflect the new me, and letting someone else control my mind is part of the old - very old - mindset that I used to have and I vowed a long time ago to not let other people's thoughts control me, yet here I was falling back into old behavior. So I stopped. I decided that I wasn't going to let someone's actions, or in this case non-actions, affect me in a negative manner. I took a piece of notebook paper and wrote down the anxiety ridden statement, tore it up, and put it in the shred it bag. I got rid of it. I sat back down at my desk and kept working. I had a clear mind. A clear head. A new vision.
So often things get in the way of goals and it is our job to move the obstacle and keep going. Sometimes I feel like the weekend is an obstacle to my overall goal of eating well. It seems like every week I do well at work, I plan, I eat, I drink right then I get to the weekend and I collapse. I feel horrible physically and mentally yet it is this pattern...I hate it. I didn't work out last week because I was sick - makes sense right? Yet, do I feel guilty...a little, but in all reality it was a realistic expectation to not workout when sick. That was conscious choice to be healthy and somehow my choice to not drink and eat on point during the weekend is a choice nonetheless. Need to work on the weekends and stay focus on the good things I'm doing.
My thoughts on the week ahead are good. I've got meal plans, vitamin plans, adding in a new supplement, and need to focus on working out and being active. Tonight I'm going to do a little something active around the apt - yoga, abs, or something just to keep moving!!! Tonight's dinner was pretty yummy. I had a small thin pork chop that I tossed in flour with spices and lightly fried on the stove and then added a veggie. I love squash, especially butternut, but I don't like cooking butternut - until I found a pre-packaged kind. I like my butternut squash pretty squishy so I nuked it an extra 2 min in the microwave, added a little butter and cinnamon. It was pretty yummy :-) Since I wasn't hungry all day today and I mean at all I needed to make sure dinner counted so focusing on protein and vegs was a good thing. The pork chop was delicious and easy to cook as well.