Monday, June 27, 2011

Life Make-Over

Have you ever made over your life? Until recently I hadn't really ever thought of this until yesterday to my horror I was still holding on till a dress from my Sophomore year in highschool! I thought about it and it hit me - when was the last time I was made over?

When I started thinking about being made over I realized that being made over was more than just a physical make over with new clothes and new makeup, but a life make over was much more intense. It brought up images of the last decade to me and how my life has been made over. Though others sometimes think that my life is separated into two categories - there is much more real history and depth to the chapters that make up "Lissa's Journey." There is more to me than life before WLS and life post op. So this got me really thinking...what are the chapters to my life?!?!

Chapter 1 - Life before college (we are going to leave that there because there is no need to decipher that!)
Chapter 2 - TCU - moving from Baltimore, MD to Ft. Worth, TX
Chapter 3 - Graduate School - moving from Ft. Worth, TX to Beaverfalls, PA
Chapter 4 - The In Between - Baltimore, MD & Love (so I thought)
Chapter 5 - Doane College - moving from Baltimore, MD to Crete, Nebraska
Chapter 6 - Love - falling in love and following my heart
Chapter 7 - Marriage and Moving - Omaha, Nebraska to Murfreesboro, TN
Chapter 8 - MTSU
Chapter 9 - Weight Loss Surgery - the year leading to Jan 10, 2011
Chapter 10 - WLS "Loser" and proud of it!

When I look at this list I see alot of change and alot of opportunities to be made over. I see a lot of moving and I can see myself in these chapters and how I've grown and how I've changed. There are more poignant chapters to my life than others and some that I want to forget all together, but in a severly condensed format this is my life from 1999 to now and to dig into it and really get to the heart of the matter my life has had a make over, but I haven't! Until Jan of this year I hadn't made over me...just my surroundings.

So I need to make over myself. Scary thought! Inventoring my clothes over the last week or so has made me realize that I've been stuck between being a plus size woman and being ashamed of my body. I've been covering up myself with clothes and in that act of "clothing myself" I have hidden myself behind so many walls and safe places. It wasn't until last year that I started on the life make over and when I really think about it the life make over didn't start with WLS prep. It started with learning to love myself and who I was and all that I was and am. My love walk that I affectionally call it needed to happen, because I wasn't loving myself at all. I treated me worse than anyone else, and I had to get to know who I was again from a perspective that I hadn't done prior. So at 29 years old I started to figure out who the adult Lissa was and that love journey led me to getting healthy in so many ways. It led me to the confidence to ask for help with my weight and it helped me start the greatest life make over that I will most likely will ever make: WLS.

Now I am here post op and needing to finish what I started. I need to clean "myself up" for lack of a better term and get to heart of the matters that haven't been neatly fixed and put away or given away to a better home. Now comes who is Lissa post WLS? Who am I and how am I going to give to the world in this new body? What am I going to do to run the path that is life? How am I going to present myself? What am I going to be able to do with this new life? Though I haven't figured that out right now...there is a lot of thought to needs to go into those questions. There is much more that needs to be conquered before concrete answers are written. Right now for simplicity sake, I am focusing on the outside.

Here I am at the moment of a life make over on the outside. I've let go of so many objects like clothes, shoes, and purses of the old me. Since I haven't really bought clothes in a decade that don't resemble a fancy "potato" sack and provide "maximum coverage" like a tarp it is time to take on what I wear, what I want to look like, and how I appear to others. I'm scared of what should fit my body, what am I supposed to am I supposed to dress this body right now. This is something that I will face head on for the foreseeable future as I continue to lose and remold my body, but the next few weeks hold an important step in this journey - learning to dress to fit THIS body at THIS time in THIS shape.

It is time to figure out who I am in a new way with a new viewpoint. I will be able to reinvent myself in a way, but I know conciously I need to keep focused that clothes don't make me I make the clothes. Clothes are just an extension of who I am not all that I am. It is such an exciting and scary time in my life. I'm about to reinvent myself and be excited about it in a way I don't think I've ever really been. I've never thought of possibility with clothes or clothing options...this is all a new feeling. This is normal :-)

So I'm starting with clothes, are there other areas that I need to make over? Think about your own life do you need a life make over?

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