Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Admitting Something Outloud

In the last 24 hours I've admitted something not once, not twice, but three times outloud. I caught myself this morning after saying it and I thought it was something signifigant so here it goes. I've lost my comfort "identity" zone of being the "fat" one. I never thought I would ever admit that, but it is very true. I've seen myself as the funny, smart, fat girl all my life. It is one of the physical ways and visual ways that I would identify myself. When I look at pictures over my lifetime...that is how I pick myself out. I'm the fat one. So now that I'm signifigantly smaller I realize I don't view myself the same way. I don't really view myself lately...I feel as if I blend in more than ever before. I'm not a wall flower by any means, but I don't stand out in the same way or maybe I'm not concious of how I'm present myself or see myself.

Prior to surgery it was fat all fat. I felt fat. I lived fat. I fit into fat clothes. I had signifigant issues with sitting, standing, and fitting into places, things, and chairs...nevertheless small spaces. Now, I am relearning all of that. My life isn't all about fat. It's about more than that, but have I traded those fat things for WLS things? Have I just put off one for the other....am I only a WLS patient or will I always be the fat girl? Questions for me to ponder and work through.

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