Finding Your Voice

(above picture 257 lbs and losing!)

Have I found my voice? Is my voice in this ever changing body new or different? Is the post-gastric Lissa a different woman who speaks different things? Do I hear a new voice? Am I really listening?

I wrote about listening a little while back. I wrote about listening to my stomach, listening to how I feel, and listening to what is going on while I am eating, but as I read my daily spark note today they spoke about findng your own voice. It made me think. Am I listening to my own voice? Not the voice of hearing my stomach, but the words that are coming out of my mouth. Am I hearing myself...when I speak to others. Am I being a good "teacher" of the lifestyle I am living to others around me?

I can see a change in the Lissa prior to surgery and the Lissa post surgery. It is not just a physical change that I am going through, but truly a lifestyle change. It is a change that is encompassing my whole world and the new life I am leading. There is a definite difference between pre and post surgery. Prior to being on my WLS journey I was hopeless, depressed, sad, and feeling miserable. I kept getting sick and more sick and before I knew it I saw doctors more often than friends. I did not have a positive outlook and I was often run down more than I would like to admit. There were days it was unbearable the wear and tear I was doing on my body and on myself emotionally. Looking back I didn't like me too much, but through that process I set out on a journey to love myself. This journey started a whole new outlook.

When I went full ahead with WLS in June I started to change my world and my outlook. I prepared to make the life change I am now leading. My gloom changed to gladness and I became happier even with being how sick I was on a day to day basis. Now I am 31 days out from surgery and I feel great. My outlook has changed. I am happier. I have more energy. I choose to take positive feedback about my new life and allow the questioning looks and remarks to roll off, because this was my choice and it was the right choice for me. I am honest about my new lifestyle and I do not glorify WLS as this amazingly easy overnight success. I am real about what is happening with me and I'm not afraid to tell you what I'm going through if people genuinely want to know. I made changes that no one thought I could make and proved them wrong. I made it my journey to impact myself and my family and friends. I want to tell the world true statements about myself and my WLS Journey. Let's face it being real is alot easier than glamming everything up.

So is my voice new...I don't know if I would say it is new, but I would say it is renewed. I defintiely say I have passion for my new lifestyle and the results that I'm seeing (even if they are only an inch here or a half a lb there) keep me motivated to eat my protein, stay away from my carbs, and keep trucking. I am an educator and I educate others on the positives of my surgery and the reasons surgery was right for me. Not so that I have a soap box, but so people and friends can say they know someone who has walked this journey and made an impact positvely on the bariatric community. I want my friends and family to know the real struggles and the real highs of this. I want them to know that it isn't just about being skinny, that is the least of my worries, it is about how good I feel and how diabetic free I remain.

My voice is renewed and I hope it is a positive one. I hope that my words are impactful to others and that as they watch the journey I am on that they are inspired to work out and be healthier with me.