Thursday, October 21, 2010


I haven't been super sensitive and this conscious about my weight in a very long time. I know it is a natural for me to be more weight conscious as I am being examined from every angel and know that I am having WLS, but last night it started to get to me. Over the last few weeks I've been embarrassed about walking up steps and getting winded. I can't walk very far as my back starts to hurt. Last night my hubs and I walked over to watch the fight song for homecoming. It wasn't that long of walk from the residence hall to the football stadium, but halfway there my back started to kill me, my legs were shaking, and I had to stop. I was embarrassed because 1) i can't walk that far and not be winded and hurting 2) I had to stop and have my husband wait on me while others watched and 3) I can't keep up with my husbands pace when walking. I didn't say anything to him (because he is so supportive) but I felt miserable having stopy. I know this is not a huge thing, but to me it is something that really embarrasses me. It started eating at me last night and it made me cry.

I cried because I am so ready for this surgery. I so ready to not have more medical issues, I want to feel healthy and feel like i'm making some kind of progress but alas right now its day by day. I know in the future there will be moments when i say why did i have gastric bypass! I want to be able to look back at my blog and know where I've been and what I had to go through to get to here.

I will admit now that I'm so close to application date I have a flood of other emotions going on. I am feeling scared about some things, hopeful for others, and even unprepared, but I know I can do this ....I just know it.There is no turning back because I've worked hard for it. When I was crying my husband looked at me and told me he knew what had bothered me all night, but he also told me that he is excited for me to win this battle in hopes that I will see myself the same way he sees me. Here is hoping for the best.

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