Feeling like UGH

The rise and fall of anxiety is no fun. Not eating and treating my body right is not fun. Feeling run down, blah, and "heavy" both in mind, spirit, and physical weight. I haven't been doing my best at everything that I could be doing - and just making it makes me feel like I'm even more of an excuse giver, but between work, life, and this bought of anxiety and depression...it is hard to get back up.

I started tracking hard core this week and Monday was a bomb of ugly. I ate on my plan and then ruined it with chocolate that made me sick. Tuesday was better and I got all my liquid in but then I ate at a screwy time in the evening and boom there goes that day. Wednesday was good - I got hungry and drank through it (water that is) - but I ate too early then got mad hungry before bed after a super long nap - which means calories out the window. So here it is thursday and I'm doing it the best I can. I'm not hungry and I've had a snack with breakfast and lunch and coffee. I'm almost halfway through my liquid and my sugar isn't super low. Doing better.

I'm making concious choices to lower my calories in what I choose. Yes I can eat things that are good for me but protein can be high in calories and fat - so there is a balance. I'm learning to make small little changes to add up to big things. I love oikos yogurt and I'm not giving it up - but I can make a 100 calorie yoplait choice over 160 calorie oikos. I can eat low fat or fat free cheese for a snack. I can go for the 100 calorie south beach bar instead of the 250 calorie protein bar too. As I was making my coffee this morning I realized I can't do 2% any more - lower the calories : this week 1% then going down to skim or back to soy/almond milk. Those littles add up to lots.

I've wanted to go to workout all week - but I haven't made it. I hate that ...I want to go and my anxiety rattles this body making it unsafe so I don't. I need to figure out how to get it better under control so I can do what I want = work out....but this week doesn't seem like something like it is going to happen at all.