Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Protein, Mild OCD, and Larges

I feel like I’ve been scattered brained for the last week or so. I’m going through accepting change and that doesn’t make me the happiest camper and I am realizing it more and more as I get older, but change is part of life and adaptation is the name of the game. I’m excited to embrace the change instead of fighting it, but that is a process that I do not like so this is going to be a struggle for me I know it. Buckling down and welcoming change…here I go!

I’m learning a lot about myself through accepting change and one of the things that I can’t alter on is a scheduled life in the midst. I was told that I was too uptight and so trying to make my schedule looser has driven me mad and makes me feel like I’m not in control. I need to plan my meals, I need to schedule food intake, and I need to prep. If this makes me uptight so be it, but I’m not going to feel out of control because when I do I end up eating something I’m not supposed to, feel sick, and then miserable for a day or two afterwards. Nope, not going to do it! I’ll admit it I enjoy the planning, feeling accomplished, and in control. I don’t have OCD, but I do like the control of knowing what is going into my body.

In the midst of finding things I can eat out healthy is something that I’ve always struggled with. I don’t want to always rely on chicken when I’m out. Fast food is hard for me to consume, so I need some healthier options. I want to up my protein but have found that is hard for me to do and I was scared of the expense, but to do this long term and to keep my nails, hair, and body healthy I need to up my protein and add it into foods that I am eating. I’ve been doing well overall, but it is something that is difficult to keep up. I’ve been searching for a long time for fake protein that tastes good, easy to use, and my body can tolerate. I’ve been able to use egg protein the last few times at smoothie king and I found a couple of protein bars that I enjoy and aren’t too hard on the pocket. It is time to invest in the protein powder to bake, make my own smoothies at home, and start eating protein bars for snacks rather than sweets. I know that it may sound weird for me to put this out here, but sometimes I need the accountability and after weighing all the options – it’s the next step.

Last night I spent some quality time with myself. I went to the craft store, hit up old navy and ross and enjoyed looking and trying on clothes. I came home with 2 dresses both L and 2 tanks that were L as well. I also brought home another shirt for over leggings, but after putting it on at home it didn't fit just right so back to Ross I go to get another dress for work. I'm at the stage where I have a few sets of pants, but pants are something I'm always growing out of, so I'm making transitions into dresses, tights, leggings for the spring into the summer. It is easier on the budget and easier to get dressed too - now if only I could find shoes. Can't wait to shoe shop. I need some new flats and maybe a pair of heels. I'm excited to wear out my new wrap dress this weekend and I'm dying to find some heels to wear to feel cute (even though we are going to medievel times) I want to feel pretty for my big date! It is amazing how clothes make you feel and how I can have a positive experience and how it effects me - its all evolution. It is new. It is different. It is good.

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