Tuesday, June 14, 2011

New Happenings

There has been alot going on in the last week or so around my home. It seems that its a big whirlwind in the summers at the university since our schedules are turned upside down! There is no rhythmn like it is during the year, so it's up to me to find it. I think I've been able to find that rhythmn finall and it is feeling good; though my schedule has been better.

Good things that are happening:
1. Supplements are going well - I like my rythmn and timing - I'm feeling good and have a sense of what I need
2. Protein Intake - is signifigantly up!!!! I'm able to manage a decent amount of protein and I'm enjoying my addition of my Atkins shakes to my diet throughout the week.
3. No more day time anxiety meds! - this is a GOOD thing, just scary. Been on effexor since 2004 and its been a rough one coming off the medication, but no more day time meds for me as of right now. I'm transitioning well and I'm feeling better each day. {this is another reason i need to get my day to day schedule in check}
5. Hair issues - my biotin is now in my system daily and i'm using my new conditioner. i've noticed less hair loss since I got it trimmed - if nothing else I feel good about myself and that is a definite plus

Though there is a lot of good things happening, I am struggling in a few areas. I haven't been really able to put it to words so here is my thoughts.

1. No more day time anxiety meds - this is a struggle and they are a crutch to a point. I can't believe I'm not taking them, but I know its a good thing and I'm definitely not as nauseous without them so there is an upswing. There is some general anxiety about being med free during the day, but I know its because it is something new. I need to just breathe, take it day by day, and I will make it through. I know I can do it! It is just a new adjustment for me.

2. Weight - I've hit my first real stall. I'm down 70 lbs and stuck in the weight loss category. I'm still seeing inches going and my clothes fitting different, but I am definitely stuck. I've found out that there is a normalcy to this at the 5 month mark which makes me feel a bit better, but I am frustrated in the losing category. I don't want to not lose because I feel like I'm letting my surgeon down and myself, but in the realistic sense this is a norm. Everything i read and know states that RNY WLS patients loose 100 lbs in the first year. I'm at 70 and at 5 months. The other 30 can come off I just have to bump up my metabolism and my exercise, but there is a fear there- a very deep seated fear that I'm going to fail...or gain. If I gain and fail then I'll be a mess, but there is no way I'm going there.

3. Body Image - as my body is changing and continuing to move and shrink there are some definite issues that are becoming sensitive to me. I'm changing and the brain is the last thing to catch up. I'm learning to look at my body through new eyes, but this body is new and strange. I like that I can see my toes and whole feet when I look down, but I don't like that my tummy looks like lumpy oatmeal. I like that I'm losing inches but my tummy is really starting to hang and stretch. My incisions have drastically ended up further down my torso. This new change is making my lower "belly" extremely fat looking but squishy. It makes it hard to buy pants (especially the kind that button) but again I know this is normal as I see other WLS patients go through it. I feel ugly in some sense then I'm reminded that all of my work is shown through my saggy skin on my tummy and legs.

Solution: though temporary to the body image issue I started looking into compression garments like spanx. It is an investment and I thought I wouldn't fit in them but I do! They are actually comfy and they help me in a number of ways - 1) I jiggle less 2) my clothes fit better (and now I see I have to shop for clothes that fit!) 3) they keep my skin from moving so much and preventing rashes that can occur. I found some compression tank tops that run long on the body and hide the areas I'm not liking right now. I feel like I actually look like I've lost the weight in my own eyes when I wear them - now just have to purchase a few. I'm excited about them and though its a little bit of an investment hubs told me that if that is what I needed to make me feel better as I change then so be it.

4. Exercise - i hate it. i'm not motivated with it. i feel like i'm not doing enough or doing too little or something. it just hasn't clicked. i dont' know what i need to be doing but what i'm currently doing isn't working. so what am i going to do? i need a goal - i want to work a 5k. if i jog a little then great but I Melissa Bettis the obese one...wants to walk a 5 K - so how am I going to do that? I've started looking into programs for a training mechanism that can be added to my schedule. That is the only way this is going to work...I need no I WANT IT to work. So goal : walk a 5 k. How am I going to do that? Not quite there yet, but working on it.

I don't want this to seem doom and gloom because it isn't all doom and gloom. There is alot of cool things happening and me having WLS has helped all of it. New hair, new outlook, new feelings...life is good, just need to work some things out!

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