After I wrote my blog this morning, I got really emotional. It led to a very emotional conversation with my hubs over body image, weight loss, and my diet. I was so upset I cried in my office after lunch. I was frustrated...with myself, my body, my diet. I was scared. I was anxious. I needed to talk to someone...so I called - not my therapist no my nutritionist! Jessica is amazing and she gave me advice that I needed to hear. First, I'm normal. The first chunk comes off easy and now I'm hitting rubber meets the road. Second, I'm not eating anything wrong. I need to continue to watch what goes in my mouth, but she was proud of me for eating my protein and doing my thing. She told me not to be scared of food and to enjoy what I can no matter what - I'm relearning to eat and live.
Jessica also pointed out some things that I didn't make the connection. Yes, my body is changing drastically, but my muscles is starting to form. My fat is being "eaten" away and my body is changing and stabilizing. She told me to focus on the fit of my clothes. She told me to focus on the inches and change. She told me to not focus on the number on the scale. My body quite possibly could be leveling out and my muscle replacing some intense weight loss. Ok...deep breath....I started thinking this isn't too too bad. She also told me no more tears. Jessica told me that after all I've done to change my life that I wasn't to cry. I was to take the tears and walk or jog it out. She asked me about exercise and I was honest. She challenged me to walk a 5k in the fall. She told me to walk, swim, and do something fun for exercise and movement. She wasn't upset at me at all because all of the changes I've made were making me healthy. So the plan for the next month is to walk walk walk....drink more liquid and stay focused on the goal - healthier me.
That is so hard for me to say - a healthier me. That is my goal....that is so theoretical in my head, but I need to wrap my head around the ultimate goal of healthier me and a much longer life. So today I'm letting it all be and tomorrow I'll start again smiling that I've done something good because I refocused and listened to myself and to my nutritionist!