Saturday, April 9, 2011
30th Birthday Present to Myself
I had a positive week with weight loss and I am keeping my chin up as I head into my 12th week post surgery. I celebrate 90 days post op on tomorrow!!! I had mentioned before that I wanted to do something big to celebrate 30 and I found it yesterday. I am going to walk/jog a 5k on my birthday! There is a 5k training with Team Ask a local organization that helps train for marathons and raise money and awareness for local charities. You can find them at www.teamask.org. One of my former students provided me with the information on the organization and he is currently running with them. They have a 5k set for August 20th at MTSU and I made the decision that I want to do it! I know that I can walk/job 3.1 miles as I'm roughly walking 1 mile each time I work out so now it is to make the transition of getting up my time and distance to start preparing for the 5k. I am pretty excited to have a goal to work out towards and I'm so excited to be able to do something I never imagined I could ever do, but with new found confidence comes new found goals and what a goal to be able to celebrate 30 years on this earth and be healthier than ever before! So in June I start officially training with the group, but I'm going to talk to my personal trainer this week about starting to work out now. I'm really pretty excited about this new goal.
My new weight goals is 230 lbs. Currently I am 238.8 and I am going to work to get down to 230 in the next 2 weeks. I was hoping to be 60 lbs total down for my 3 month check up but knowing that I'm getting there makes me smile super big. I'm really starting to realize how much I am changing and not just needing people to tell me. I see my body change and I'm starting to see a more clear me in the mirror. I need to go through my summer clothes and get rid of things from last summer that are too big to wear and make adjustments so that I look like I fit in my clothes. Thank goodness for summer dresses because they hide a wealth of tummy issues and let me loose weight without the fear of losing my pants! Yes, almost all of my pants are too big and they are getting ready to get put into the goodwill bin at the end of the semester!
One of the biggest challenges I've been working on lately has been re-writing the tape in my head that says either I'm not moving fast enough or I haven't lost enough weight or that my clothes don't fit right...it is hard to re-write the tape that has been re-running in my head for years on end. I know that it doesn't take just 3 months to get used to a new person and that becoming this person is a big deal and one that will take a long while to get to know and get used to.
I think that something that really is bringing me to realize these things that are in my head are some of the negative things I've been hearing about bypass lately. It hurts when people say that I'm getting vain or that I'm actually dressing up and doing something with my body. It hurts when I hear that I took the hard way out or that I don't try because I have WLS. I know that no one knows me like I do and those that have taken this journey with, but it still hurts. It still hurts that they think i've never tried or that I'm taking this way to have this easy life - sometimes i want to scream and say c'mon people this is so freaking hard walk a moment in my shoes just one moment...and then you'll know about this life I chose. It frustrates me because the judgement of others....they judge me and this isn't the choice for everyone but it was my choice and i'm happy with it. I got judged and felt invisible when I was 300 lbs and now I'm smaller than I've been in over a decade an I get judged for my WLS. It is just frustrating and I realized that I would have to be a warrior to fight the weight, I never realized I would have to fight so much to be a warrior to defend a choice to be a better woman.