It has been an amazing 7 weeks. There has been ups and downs with some great middles in betweens. Overall it has truly been a whirl wind of change in my life. This blog has been alot about reflections and preparedness, but today's blogging is about realization.
For the first time I finally see it. I realize that I am physically smaller! Last night I took my 7 week pictures and put them up on facebook. I usually put them up with the current status of my weight and move on because in my head I get that "i'm shrinking," but last night it hit me. I am physically smaller. I look so different. It blew me away!!!!! So when you look at the pictures today these are the pictures that really impacted me. The grey shirt picture is from week 2 post surgery. The black shirt is from week 7. My profile of my body has completely changed. I don't even recognize myself. Last night when I posted I had to take a double take. I really couldn't grasp before just lbs or the inches lost, but looking at pictures really blew me away. I was so excited it just made me smile last night.
Knowing my body size and realizing how big I am or how small I am (depending on how you look at it) has been a whole new realization. For example I realize I can now slide into a booth at restaurants and not squeeze in, I know this in my head as fact, but everytime I slide in I still hope that I fit. I realize that I am getting smaller and it can be seen in my clothing size, but I still fear that when I put on things that have been too too tight that I fear I won't be able to fit in them then realize they are getting too big. I realize that I am getting smaller and healthier, but the fear of the old sick and heavier Lissa is someone that is still sitting on my shoulder. I realize that she will be there for a while and that I'm rewriting my own memories and it is more fun to rewrite those memories than deal with the older sick version of myself. So I keep going because I realize that I'm changing. I hope I'm going to be a pretty beautiful butterfly.