It has been awhile since I've posted. It has been a very long month and I've spent it being vulnerable, anxious, and grieving over the lost of a friend. I can say that it has been a month of unexpected emotions, feelings, and stress on the body and mind. It has had its ups and downs and good moments and bad moments, but life does move on, but at least I have an angel to watch over me in heaven and that is comforting to me in so many ways.
I feel like we finally are settling in our new surroundings in Fort Worth. Yes, I know we've been here almost 4 months, but we are finally breathing and making decisions about our future life here. We found an apartment last week that we will be moving to in the summer and I'm excited. It is probably the nicest apartment I've ever lived in and as a couple it is superb! Just what we need to give us a home. I personally can't wait to sign the paperwork, set a move date, and wait for my tax return to get here so I can furnish the house - now that means I have to wait to buy furniture, but I can't wait. We've picked out a kitchen table (compromised that I love!), picked out new items for our bathroom (i'm going collegiate and celebrating KU - I love my husband ALOT), and picked a bookcase and now just to find a dresser, a rug for the living room, and curtains. So I will be busy this summer, but I'm so excited. I need this and he is graciously letting me move us in the hot TX summer. We have also gotten into a rhythm with two new jobs, home life, cleaning, cooking, and all that jazz. I'm still stoked for my own washer and dryer in the new apt - until then I'm sentenced to laundromat.
My weight loss is going great. I'm under 190lbs. I'm in a Large or XL top depending on the cut (target is extremely cut small), I'm in skinny pants in size 14 and old navy 16 on the bottom. I'm wearing L dresses, and I'm fitting into smaller panties and bras which make my day! All of my clothes are getting big, so I've taken to learning to alter. I've found some great things on pinterest and have successfully converted two pairs of regular pants from oldnavy that were more boot cut and made them into skinny jeans! I love it because I don't feel frumpy and I feel better showing off my skinny legs. I wish I could buy true skinny jeans that aren't from Forever 21 (plus - size 14!!!) but my extra skin in the tummy prevent me from doing it right now - so I got resourceful and I am learning to take in clothes and wearing a belt! Yes me...wearing a belt. I had never worn a belt before ever....and I actually had to borrow my husband's belt so my pants wouldn't fall down, but I'm in love with ribbon through my belt loops and stretchy belts. I even in the process of remaking my khakis into skinny khakis to make me feel even better. can't wait to get them done today.
Going through all this weightloss has really made me learn to love what I have now...not what I'm going to love eventually. That has been hard for me as my skin gets more loose and my tummy more "oatmeal" like, but then I put on clothes and look in the mirror and I feel amazing and normal. I love the me today and the clothes I'm in and not worry about what I look like without them on! I know that may seem weird, but I still have to remind myself about that fact alone daily. Dreaded swimsuit season is upon me and I'm not excited at all about bathing suit shopping except for the fact that I want to be in the water working out - and outside! I realize that to make me feel comfy I'm going to have to have shorts on over the suit if I'm out and about - but if that is all I have to do...then I will find a way to feel cute and be ok with it. Again...the evolution of this body continues.
My body is truly going through adaptation and I am too. The extra skin on my legs has made shaving incredibly hard. I'm now in love with Nair because the shaving with so much loose skin has gotten me too many nicks, cuts, and bad burns - so I got smart. This stuff is amazing...love it and I'm adapting to this new body. I also cut all my hair off. Yep...I did it. I feel so much better with short hair, my hair has gotten healthier, it looks thicker, and I'm not losing it in the amount that I used to either. It was one of the best changes that I've made. I feel sassy, sexy, and confident again. Hair has that power! Now...just need to figure out what to do on the color front. Along with new hair came new glasses. Not only can I see better but I feel again confident and right now I really needed to feel confidant again especially after the last 15 months.
I'm eating pretty well, but not perfect. I'm doing well with meds, but not perfect. I'm exercising and moving, but not as much as I want. It is a process and that I've learned like everything else....my wls is a tool that I am using to make over my life....slowly I am.
I am embracing the new me.
I am embracing the life long changes and being ok with those changes.
I am embracing my new body and the changes that it is going through.
I am embracing the future of the possibility of plastics.
I am embracing the challenges that come with my ever changing anxiety.
I am embracing the brain change...that is harder than the body change.
I am realizing that old habits die hard - and that I can make those changes.