Sunday, June 19, 2011

Muscles...I have them?!?!?

It has been the battle of mind over matter this past week. I've had to put my mind over the battle with my anxiety and the wait for the weight to come off. It has not been easy, but I am please to say that I made it through a week.

Weight news: I made it to 224.6 lbs which is so exciting. Finally under 225 and that was the next weight goal. I've started making smaller target weights to keep me moving and grooving. The next is 220. So here I come 4.6 lbs!!!! I know that I shouldn't be concentrated on the numbers, but sometimes it is the easiest thing to measure my success, but it isn't the only thing. I was reminded by some great friends and readers this week that my success is in the simple things like sharing my story, transparently sharing the good, the bad, the ugly, and keeping at it no matter what. I was also reminded by these same friends, that new me way back when, that the changes that I've made are life long and that the success I've already achieved in these few short months need to push me forward and not shut down. Now I need to put that into action.

I've also had to keep in mind that my anxiety can't control my life. I've had to constantly keep saying to myself this is my new life and right now daytime meds aren't apart of the routine, but I also know that I'm not feeling like myself and that being miserable wasn't part of this new life. Yes, I want to be medication free, but right now I don't feel like I can do it cold turkey. I don't want to be miserable and I don't want to get depressed, because if I go there and get depressed then it could and most likely will effect my weight loss and that isn't good. I'm going to have to make the call and talk to my doc in the morning. I don't need to be on such a harsh medication like I was on for years, but I do need something. She may tell me to wait a bit because I'm in the middle of the transition coming off the medication, but honestly I don't want to be up and down, in and out, and feeling like I'm stuck in bed. I've come too far in my journey in anxiety to let this get me down and I'm not stopping till I get an answer.

Speaking of not getting me down, I'm upping my mobility. Time to get active around these parts and this weekend I did just that. I moved furniture, set up our new craft room, semi re-modeled our living space. This helped my house out a ton, but I realized how much more I can do! This morning when I woke up my abs were sore and I realized what...I used my muscles...wait I feel like I used muscles. Don't remember the last time I ever felt those particular muscles be used. I giggled inside as I looked for my pain killer and felt good about it! Yay for muscles!!!!

Mini Celebrations:
1. I can feel my ribs - I was laying down on my bed this weekend and I was putting my coco butter on my scars and I realized that I felt took me a sec to realize that I can actually feel my ribs and I wasn't too fat to feel them anymore - this made me feel so good!
2. Eating out smart - ate really well this weekend with hubs - i was able to eat out in a healthy way with my protein, didn't break the bank, and ate on my diet!
3. Got rid of my fat clothes!!!!! Yes, I did it last night I filled up 2 huge black trash bags to go to donation of all my fat clothes (i did save a few items for looking back and sizing when I'm smaller) but the majority of the items are gone!
4. Successfully gave myself a B12 shot and did not bruise myself this month!

This week I'm starting out on my 5k walking plan. The goal this week is to walk 3 times for 15 min and next weekend to spend walking 30 min straight. I can do this!

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