Thursday, April 4, 2013

Taking it all in

I've been numb lately - taking all this in about my body, my mind, my spirit...and how it all relates to my weight. I don't think I've quite processed that I'm really sick and I need to take care of myself more than I am doing right now. Stress is a huge factor on my body, my blood pressure, and my sugar. I was told  to lower my stress and it seems that the only thing that is happening is that my stress level is rising, my annoyance factor at life is growing, my fuse is shorter than it normally is and to explain to others that I'm sick and I don't know why - well .... it just doesn't make sense to them.

I feel hollow. I feel diseased. I feel as if I'm a weight that is being pulled down and I'm not floating. There are so many possibilities of what might happen...or could happen....or what is wrong. The unknown terrifies me in ways I had to admit. I hate that I'm scared and I'm stressed, but this is real life when you don't know what is going on in your own body and yet - my doctor's goal is to keep me out of a coma while the sugars drop.

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