You Know Your a WLS Patient When...

1. I have a date" does not mean you're going out. 
2. You have baby food in the house and no baby. 
3. "I'm a loser" is a good thing. 
4. All of your silverware says Gerber. 
5.  A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking. 
6. "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death. 
7.  New clothes fall off in a week. 
8. You get excited about hand me downs. 
9. The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please". 
10. Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing. 
11. "Just water for me please". 
12. Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing. 
13. You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy. 
14. When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide. 
15. When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches". 
16. When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club. o Other women are calling you names behind your back.
17. When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".
18. When you really don't have a thing to wear. o You have to prove you are the person on the driver’s license.
19. You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
20. You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
21. You are never parted from a bottle of water 
22. When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal. 
23. Being too small for your britches. 
24. When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder. 
25. When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW your mom is hot.
26. When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door. 
27. You truly are a "cheap date".   
28. When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound. 
29. You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar. 
30. Vitamins feel like a meal.
31. You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
32. You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?" 
33. You can cross your legs... both of them  
34.  Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra 
35. When your obsession from food turns to your scale. 
36. They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile. 
37. No more Velcro shoes 
38. Tongs are no longer to fry chicken. 
39. "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties 
40. When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables 
41. Your mother says "You don't eat enough" 
42. When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this." 
43. Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him. 
44. You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire 
45. When you wave and your upper arms wave back 
46. You safety pin your underwear
47. Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress 
48. Cannot blame the cat for shedding 
49. Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card 
50. The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god...did he die???
51.   --Author(s) unknown