Thank you for all the support yesterday from comments on my blog and via facebook and twitter. It meant the world and made me feel not so alone. I felt defeated yesterday and that is true, but there is no defeat and I can't let it get me down. I can't stop fighting. WLS wasn't an easy way, but the way wasn't paved with flat surfaces so yes, I was beaten down and felt trodden over, but today I wake up to fight.
So today I start a new. I have doctor's appointment this afternoon and I am armed with knowledge from research last night. I am armed with questions and I want solutions. I want my life back and since I never left hundreds of lbs and size stop me before I think I want to refuse this to stop my life today. There has to be an answer where my body can work and heal and deal with insulin that it is making. So instead of defeat I'm going to fight for the life I want the life that I re-started in Jan of 2011!
I am more than a number on a scale. I am more than the size on my clothes. I am more than inches on a measuring stick - I am more and always have been and if I am more...than I owe it to myself to figure this out and do what I always do - keep at it.
I am armed with questions:
Do I need to be eating on a low GI scale with the addition of more protein focused diet? (think molding a bariatric diet with diabetic eating)
What calories do I need to be eating per day? (I need a number for weight loss and I would like to do this as low carb as possible - I can't plan if I don't know)
I want to be able to exercise and go back to being active - what do I need to do to ensure that I can do that and deal with sugar stabilization?
Can I test any other place then on my fingers - they are raw?
If we have ruled out the major causes for sugar roller coaster, what is left to check?
Do I need a referral to an endocrinologist? If so, lets do it now! (I want sooner than later)
If my RNY set me up for hypoglycemia, could it also be hereditary - my dad suffers from this naturally?
Are there supplements that I could be taking to assist in sugar stabilization?
I need answers and these are questions I don't have answers to right now. I know that working with my PCP will get me started, but I'm going to have to go back to see my nutritionist. Nicole and I are going to have to go back to square one almost and rework our plan. I also know that I need to do the work and work on low carb meals that are high in protein that I can eat. I am going to have to listen to my body and do what it tells me to do. I'm going to have to figure out how to manage this and my busy lifestyle, but that can be done.
In the season that is about being thankful, I need to be thankful for the life that I now have that I only dreamed of. It isn't an easy fix. It wasn't an easy choice, but life in general isn't easy and I am grateful for every day that I have. I am grateful for every unassisted breath I take. I am grateful to walk to the mail box without pain and live this life! I am blessed and part of my gratefulness to HIM above and the doctors that have helped me here is to NOT give up to give back and to fight.