Thursday, July 26, 2012
1 Whole Week of Blah
This makes one full week of feeling blah - serious blah. Medicinal tragedy at its finest in re-working brain chemistry is not something I want to do on a full time basis. In between bouts of intense anxiety, frustrating depressional lows, brain hunger not real tummy hunger, sleeplessness and intrustive insomnia with mixed in pure exhaustion needless to say I've stunk at my work out routine, ate like a "fat" girl, and just want to crawl into a dark hole and sleep...real sleep with no nightmares, strange visionaries in my dreams, and not waking up every hour on the hour terrified I've missed my alarm. Production has gone far far away from me this week where my poor kitchen looks like it threw up on itself, my bedside table is littered with meds, empty bottles of water, and chip snack bags...wow can't tell that I'm depressed huh. I know this isn't the end of the world and that this too shall pass, it is just in this moment where I feel like the doors, the walls, my life is not being how I wanted it to be and that is so frustrating to me. Depression makes everything harder - school, work, life, sharing an apt with a husband, motivation at work - all of it is impacted by depression and not always in a good way.