Goodbye Letter to My Blubber

Dear "Blubber,"

You have been someone that has been with me a long time. You think that I would miss you now that you are slowly leaving me, but actually I kinda miss you in some ways. We were together for almost 30 years so in that time we have alot of memories - mostly of sitting on the couch,lots of dates filled with ice cream, and lots of sleepless nights where I couldn't sleep, and doctors....lots of doctors visits - don't you miss those doctors that become more like friends? Yeah...I don't miss them either, but you, my blubber, were a friend so I thought.

Now that you and I have been breaking up for the last 14 months, I feel like it is time to define our relationship. You are leaving and I'm more than ok with it. Let's be honest I started the divorce, signed the papers, and went into surgery and have recovered. I have watched you slowly leave me, but there is one thing that is remaining. Blubber I just dont' understand why you won't leave my tummy! Seriously it is like you dont' want to pack your last suitcase and leave. I realize your close relatives "loose skin" and "ban of fat" on the bottom of my stomach will remain for quite a while. I've signed their lease with an end date to be determined, but the apartment you are living in on the top of my belly I would like you to vacate.

So here are my terms. We are going to work out. Yes, whether you like it or not I'm replacing you with more abs and less "planes of fat" and I will work toward a flatter tummy. We are going to move and move alot mostly in the water because I like to swim and the thougth of "drowning my sorrows" only works in water now since I can't eat my weight in ice cream. We are also going to conceal you and you will work with this plan because though you are a part of me it is time that you move on. Believe me it isn't me it is all you and YOU are not making me happy.

I'm glad we can come to these terms together. I know you are going to move on whether you like it or not, but I felt like I owed it to you to tell you how I feel. Thanks for being with me and "hanging around" but I'm sure there is someone else you can latch on to! Don't worry there will be others and I might not get rid of you completely, but you will be MUCH less over the next year.

Love always, Lissa