someone was jokingly calling me vain yesterday as i am dressing in smaller clothes, and i got my new retainer to keep my teeth straight, and i took offense to that because i'm not doing these things to be vain. i'm wearing cuter clothes because smaller clothes come in different fashion and i've been lucky enough to have been given some cute tops. i didn't get a new retainer just to fix my smile now i've been wearing them for years and i needed a new one that would keep all of the work my parents spent putting into my mouth for 8 plus years. i just had the time and money to get it done now. i don't want to be known or jokingly called vain because i'm doing something different with my hair or that i'm paying attention to my clothes. it isn't because i need to look someone it is a huge insecurity right now for me. in less than two months i have gone through a lot of changes. surgery, losing weight, new retainer, new glasses, and trying to figure it all out on top of eating...well it is a lot to process and its all new. it is really kinda scary to me...but i'm keeping my chin up and working on my confidence.
working on my confidence in this new body is taking the little things and making them a big accomplishment. for someone else it might not be a big deal to go to the gym and workout, but i battle what people think and say about me still the fat one. it may not be a big deal to go buy a pair of jeans, but when i slipped into my first non-lane bryant pair of jeans it was the biggest deal in my world just like when i bought my first pair of leggings. i celebrated that for the first time i could sit in the KUC theater and put the table top down in the chair and fit. i celebrated being able to cross my legs for the first time in 10 years. those things are big accomplishments to me and i love that when i tell my husband of things like these he smiles so bigs. he smiles at me like the day we got married or the day he first told me he loved me. it makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world and the rest of the things i worry about melt away.