feeling not so optimistic

i'm having one of those days where i just feel totally "fat." there is nothing redeeming about these days. it doesn't help that with this feeling it is finally fall and its cold, windy, and overcast to go along with how i am feeling inside today. i know that a weight loss journey is ever easy, but today i'm feeling particulary down about the whole kit and caboodle.

i've been terribly tempted by alot of food right now. i'm doing alot of processing with different things in my life working on many parts of myself and i've been turning to food for comfort. this is not helping my waist line. it is not helping my sugar, and it is not helping my overall weight. it is incredibly embarrassing to note publically that i have not will power lately. i'm putting so much energy into attempting to just be a better me that i dont' want to deny myself something that does (at the time) bring me pleasure, but then causes me so much pain. i know that this behavior isn't self harm, but even though it isn't listed as self harm it sure isn't self helpful. i continue to make my changes according to my plan and i feel good about those things. i'm really proud of myself for sticking to the posted list of adding and subtracting items.

i'm waiting for my arrival of my supplements to add to the schedule, but as soon as they are here i'll be adding them to my diet. this week is starting portion control. i'm not a fan of this right now, but i know it needs to be done. i've worked out a plan of what i'll be eating within ranges and will start cutting my food down to smaller portions. i don't know if i can be comfortable doing this in just one week, but i'm not going to worry about how long it takes i'm going to get comfortable with saying "no" and "i've had enough." this in and of itself will be something i am proud of...its starting a new behaviour. i want to conquer it even on today when i have no will power and feel more like a failure than anything...i keep going. the end result is worth all of this work.

i'm ready to cross the finish line and be healthier and no matter what i have to do to get there i'm going to take head on, i just really would like a few to walk with me today when i'm not so strong.